Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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