Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
