but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
