let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
love makes seman taste better
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
