you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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