brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize
