We're like a lot better than the average bears
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
