Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
