i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
try to milk me bitch
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