how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
