Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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