trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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