Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
