Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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