I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
