i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
