I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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