Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Did you just see the Batmobile???
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
