This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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