How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
