ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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