Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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