they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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