So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
home. puking in laundry basket.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
