I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
