wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
