I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
