I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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