omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
