I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
