Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
