we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
