Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Success! We fucked roommates!
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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