You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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