Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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