Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
