One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Pooping to opera.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
