wanna go halves on a baby?
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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