Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
