Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Randomize
