Screwed.edu
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
