I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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