Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
