Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
