Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
