We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Randomize
