tell your sister to shave her snatch
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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