bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
