If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
