So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
