remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
