I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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