Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
