butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
