What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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